For All You Scumbags Out There

This is for all of you who are screwups, like me. So, if you’re perfect, have your shit together, or have never done someone wrong, this is not for you. You will likely find what I’m about to say irrelevant or even offensive. Or maybe you will feel the need to share your lofty and infallible wisdom that would probably be beyond our ability to enact in our own lives. 

My brothers and sisters of ineptitude, let’s take a moment to reflect. Many of you have screwed up royally, bit the dust, screwed the pooch, duffed it, fallen flat, and so on. For many of us, this has been in the arena of relationships where we have hurt those close to us and maybe caused what seems to be irreparable harm. It has been my experience that this time of year becomes particularly difficult because it’s supposed to be an opportunity to experience loving moments with family. Yet, there is a chair that has been left empty by an estranged loved one or a card missing in the mail from a friend you once had.

To make matters worse, this time of year seems to magnify thoughts and feelings of depression. I spoke with someone in law enforcement recently who shared how this time of year is horrible when it comes to the number of suicides and how those numbers have dramatically risen over the last few years.  So when it comes to screwups like us, things can get pretty grim and heavy. This concerns me about my tribe.

In the past, I have made some profoundly stupid decisions that have hurt those I deeply care about and love. In the years since, I’ve done everything in my power to take responsibility and make amends. I’m happy (and humbled) by the healing that has taken place, the loving friendships that have been restored, and the growth that has occurred in my life as a result. Still, over seven years later there are holdouts. Even my recent issues with my health did not move the needle one iota towards forgiveness and restoration.

What I have come to realize is once you have taken responsibility, asked for forgiveness, and paid the price - there is nothing left to do. Just keep the door open and continue to love. Also, stop dragging yourself through the dirt. There comes a time where their decisions stop being your consequences and simply become their decisions and their consequences. When God has forgiven me, it is up to me to decide how long I want to carry the guilt for what has happened. I choose to not carry it any longer.

So should you.