While I was in the military, I used to take walks at night along the Atlantic shore, by myself, to get away from people for a while. At the time, I was a young guy experiencing true freedom, but at the same time, I was lost and felt connected to nothing. I remember taking my car to a secluded part of the beach and grabbing a backpack with a bottle of something to drink as I walked with my feet in the warm waters of the ocean.
On occasion, I would have the beach to myself, away from the tourists and the boardwalk - all alone. It would be dark, maybe around 11pm or so, and I would stop to look out into the water and see almost nothing.
On one occasion, there was no moon and very little light. I was encapsulated by blackness and the sound of the waves crashing in. I remember thinking how black everything was, the feeling of being the only person in the universe, and the strange urge to go into the water.
Stripping down to my shorts, I went to the water's edge. The water was warm and calm that night. I proceeded to go deeper into the ocean until I was just over waist deep. I sank into the salty water to float there, facing the east into the nothing, until the waves had carried me in to where my bottom was scraping off of the sand. I would then stand up and walk back out. I'd do this several times before returning to the beach.
The feeling of peace and calm was surprising since it was such an ill advised thing to do. I felt like I was floating in a dream while being wide awake and completely released from the world. The feeling of being connected to nothing was freeing. No matter what the dangers were or how wrong it was for me to venture into the waters like that, I felt completely at rest and at home there.
